[kictanet] Fwd: [Skunkworks] How Swift-Global's Mabeshte became millions of times better than KDN's butterfly

Mon Feb 20 10:12:37 EAT 2012

Is there anything Swift Global do right? All I hear are complaints,
complaints, complaints!

On Sat, Feb 18, 2012 at 7:57 AM, Brian Munyao Longwe <blongwe at gmail.com> wrote:
> FYI - makes good reading
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: John Doe Smith Kamau KipNg'etich Jones <skunkworks.ku at gmail.com>
> Date: Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 6:38 PM
> Subject: [Skunkworks] How Swift-Global's Mabeshte became millions of times
> better than KDN's butterfly
> To: Skunkworks Mailing List <skunkworks at lists.my.co.ke>
>
>
> well, Mabeshte is just-so-obviously-much-better than Butterfly. Its a
> good thing KDN gave it to swift-global. KDN din't know how to manage
> butterfly the way swift-global does... in fact, KDN did such a bad
> job, that swift-global had to rebrand it to Mabeshte.
>
> Me and swift-global are trully "mabeshte" :-).
>
> You see, Mabeshte is so much better than butterfly because......
>
> 1) Butterfly was cheaper
> .... but eww!! who wants cheap things!? excuse me, but I like to live
> above my means. Butterfly had a monthly unlimited bundle that cost
> 2320..... but how was it cheaper if Mabeshte sells unlimited internet
> for 24hrs at 50 bob (i.e 1500 bob a month) ???? -> well... it turns
> out that you will never spend just 50bob on mabeshte to get their net.
> Oh nooo.... there's the 10bob transaction fee charged for the paybill
> payment..... and to that, add the 50bob cred you'll spend calling
> support coz their system won't automatically email/text you a username
> & pass to surf through mabeshte. If you're lucky, u may have to spend
> 100bob if the system “completely missed” the mpesa sms for some
> reason....
>
> ...in fact, its taken 5hrs and a bamba 50 for me to start surfing on
> mabeshte to send this email.
>
> and as for reversal of a botched payment.... it could take up to
> 60hours for swift-global to initiate it … ( and, as my collegue
> experienced it, you may have to send them instructions [with
> screen-shots] on how perform a reversal)
> and how is that a good thing.... it turns out that the longer it takes
> for you to receive an mpesa sms, the sweeter it is when it gets there
> :-)
>
> and while the monthly payment to butterfly was apparently “more
> convenient” than paying 50bob daily to mabeshte, I like the way
> mabeshte helps me impress my friends because I appear to have money in
> my mpesa all the time :-), hehehehehe
>
> Additionally, calling their support number (020692100) will first give
> you a pre-recorded "hallo"... and then give you a dial-tone which is
> actually charged as if someone picked up the phone!! my friends now
> think i'm on post-paid!! Swaga aje aje!! try it now and see! Just
> call, get to dial-tones, hang-up, and see your cred
>
> Disclaimer: tested on safcom.
>
> 2) Butterfly was faster....
> And yes... Swift-Global, in all their intelligence, know that capping
> speeds to 64kBps (kiloBYTES, not kilobits) helps reduce global warming
> and surges Kenya towards realisation of the vision2030 and Konza
> City....
> …. and butterfly did the opposite... you see .... it was just *TOO*
> fast. And y'all know too much of something is deadly.
> When surfing at a butterfly hotspot alone (or late at night),
> butterfly indecently gave me its all!! can u imagine!! that's very,
> very.... veeeryyy "tabia mbayaaa"....
> hebu imagine that i would clock 1.5mBps (megaBYTES, not megabits)!!
> JEEZ!! It was so much that it was my slow comp that was the
> bottle-neck … not the network!! and that's just wrong!!
>
> It made me feel really bad that KDN would mock my decade-old laptop
> with speeds that could have possibly killed it!! I mean.... how dare
> they!! ati 1.5mBps!!
>
> !!! NKT  !!!
>
> swift-global's speeds... sigh... their capped speeds mean that the
> average ebook or mp3 will take 20 minutes to download, giving me ample
> time to focus on more important things.... like family.... or other
> even more important things... like solving world poverty, or
> eradicating world hunger and famine, or helping the flowers in my
> garden cross-pollinate... or trolling on the skunkworks mailing
> list.... Very important things indeed!!
>
> and while I could stream at 720p or 1080p on butterfly, my comp could
> barely render the stream properly given its low specs.... but
> swift-globals cares for computers like mine, and cap their speeds to
> force me (and everyone else) to stream at 320p, which is good for my
> computer. Moreover, the capped speeds give me ample time to do other
> "important things" as I wait for the buffer to fill up! Kudos
> switf-global!!
>
> 3) Butterfly had tech-smart staff in their tech-support department
> .... WTF!? who wants to call support and get a know-it-all geek on the
> other end who speaks gibberish!? How i'm I, a skunkworks troll,
> supposed to make sense of... "have you confirmed that your computer is
> configured to receive network configuration data via DHCP"... JEEZ!!
> what on earth does that mean?!
> .... well.... ok.... i guess the butterfly tech team knew what they
> were talking about, and they did resolve down-times within an hour or
> two.... or ten-minutes.
> and yes.... they appeared to be well trained...
>
> but jeez!! I like tech support people who speak my language... tech
> support who tell me to "turn you computer off, then turn it back on,
> then install a good antivirus, then wait 15 minutes before
> connecting."..... and thats the kind of support swift-global gives!!
>
> Seeeee!!!! ... I told you swift-global support is much better! and
> sometimes, when you call swift-global support a lot (i.e more than two
> times), you'll get to talk to a woman with ATT!! and thats so cool!! I
> know y'all like women when they're all fiesty n ferocious :-) i know i
> do, heheheheh
>
> ….. and that's another good reason why swift-global needs to be more
> expensive. That fiesty tech-support lady is obviously paid a lot of
> money!! that kind of customer-support service doesn't come cheap!!
>
> ….. in fact... I think I'll call support again once I email this :-D
>
> 4) Butterfly was more reliable, with fewer downtimes...
> .... and that was a recipe for addiction to the internet!!
> Swift-global knows this, and that is why they let their downtimes last
> days on end. This also helps reduce global-warming, since computers
> produce less heat energy when they are not being used to browse ( or
> stream at 720p) … just ask any primary school science-teacher to
> verify this! and yes.. you guessed it... the down-times give me ample
> time to focus on important things....
>
> and butterfly was rude enough to encourage internet-addiction by
> maintaining their network!! jeez!!.... after swift-global took over,
> one of their “nodes” (a pole with lots of transmitters) was toppled
> over by strong winds, and stayed like that for months!!
> and the node i'm currently connected to has had perenial power issues
> for 1 and a half years.... kudos swift-global :-)!!
>
> ... swift-global just knows how to run things.
>
> Earlier today, as I waited for a payment to go through on mabeshte
> (for five hours), I had ample time to do something important.... i.e.
> draft a solution for world-piece.
>
> And as I have penned it, the solution to world piece will start with
> swift-global handling the world's communications :-)... in fact,
> whoever named swift-global "swift-*global*" must have known this too!
> i bet he came up with the name after he got ample time to consider it
> during a down time :-)
>
> later guys.... the fiesty support-lady just picked up :-)
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>
> --
> Brian Munyao Longwe
> e-mail: blongwe at gmail.com
> cell:  +254715964281
> blog : http://zinjlog.blogspot.com
> meta-blog: http://mashilingi.blogspot.com
>
> "Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for,
> because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything."
>
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