[kictanet] Fwd: [Skunkworks] How Swift-Global's Mabeshte became millions of times better than KDN's butterfly

Sat Feb 18 07:57:06 EAT 2012

FYI - makes good reading

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: John Doe Smith Kamau KipNg'etich Jones <skunkworks.ku at gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 6:38 PM
Subject: [Skunkworks] How Swift-Global's Mabeshte became millions of times
better than KDN's butterfly
To: Skunkworks Mailing List <skunkworks at lists.my.co.ke>

well, Mabeshte is just-so-obviously-much-better than Butterfly. Its a
good thing KDN gave it to swift-global. KDN din't know how to manage
butterfly the way swift-global does... in fact, KDN did such a bad
job, that swift-global had to rebrand it to Mabeshte.

Me and swift-global are trully "mabeshte" :-).

You see, Mabeshte is so much better than butterfly because......

1) Butterfly was cheaper
.... but eww!! who wants cheap things!? excuse me, but I like to live
above my means. Butterfly had a monthly unlimited bundle that cost
2320..... but how was it cheaper if Mabeshte sells unlimited internet
for 24hrs at 50 bob (i.e 1500 bob a month) ???? -> well... it turns
out that you will never spend just 50bob on mabeshte to get their net.
Oh nooo.... there's the 10bob transaction fee charged for the paybill
payment..... and to that, add the 50bob cred you'll spend calling
support coz their system won't automatically email/text you a username
& pass to surf through mabeshte. If you're lucky, u may have to spend
100bob if the system “completely missed” the mpesa sms for some
reason....

...in fact, its taken 5hrs and a bamba 50 for me to start surfing on
mabeshte to send this email.

and as for reversal of a botched payment.... it could take up to
60hours for swift-global to initiate it … ( and, as my collegue
experienced it, you may have to send them instructions [with
screen-shots] on how perform a reversal)
and how is that a good thing.... it turns out that the longer it takes
for you to receive an mpesa sms, the sweeter it is when it gets there
:-)

and while the monthly payment to butterfly was apparently “more
convenient” than paying 50bob daily to mabeshte, I like the way
mabeshte helps me impress my friends because I appear to have money in
my mpesa all the time :-), hehehehehe

Additionally, calling their support number (020692100) will first give
you a pre-recorded "hallo"... and then give you a dial-tone which is
actually charged as if someone picked up the phone!! my friends now
think i'm on post-paid!! Swaga aje aje!! try it now and see! Just
call, get to dial-tones, hang-up, and see your cred

Disclaimer: tested on safcom.

2) Butterfly was faster....
And yes... Swift-Global, in all their intelligence, know that capping
speeds to 64kBps (kiloBYTES, not kilobits) helps reduce global warming
and surges Kenya towards realisation of the vision2030 and Konza
City....
…. and butterfly did the opposite... you see .... it was just *TOO*
fast. And y'all know too much of something is deadly.
When surfing at a butterfly hotspot alone (or late at night),
butterfly indecently gave me its all!! can u imagine!! that's very,
very.... veeeryyy "tabia mbayaaa"....
hebu imagine that i would clock 1.5mBps (megaBYTES, not megabits)!!
JEEZ!! It was so much that it was my slow comp that was the
bottle-neck … not the network!! and that's just wrong!!

It made me feel really bad that KDN would mock my decade-old laptop
with speeds that could have possibly killed it!! I mean.... how dare
they!! ati 1.5mBps!!

!!! NKT  !!!

swift-global's speeds... sigh... their capped speeds mean that the
average ebook or mp3 will take 20 minutes to download, giving me ample
time to focus on more important things.... like family.... or other
even more important things... like solving world poverty, or
eradicating world hunger and famine, or helping the flowers in my
garden cross-pollinate... or trolling on the skunkworks mailing
list.... Very important things indeed!!

and while I could stream at 720p or 1080p on butterfly, my comp could
barely render the stream properly given its low specs.... but
swift-globals cares for computers like mine, and cap their speeds to
force me (and everyone else) to stream at 320p, which is good for my
computer. Moreover, the capped speeds give me ample time to do other
"important things" as I wait for the buffer to fill up! Kudos
switf-global!!

3) Butterfly had tech-smart staff in their tech-support department
.... WTF!? who wants to call support and get a know-it-all geek on the
other end who speaks gibberish!? How i'm I, a skunkworks troll,
supposed to make sense of... "have you confirmed that your computer is
configured to receive network configuration data via DHCP"... JEEZ!!
what on earth does that mean?!
.... well.... ok.... i guess the butterfly tech team knew what they
were talking about, and they did resolve down-times within an hour or
two.... or ten-minutes.
and yes.... they appeared to be well trained...

but jeez!! I like tech support people who speak my language... tech
support who tell me to "turn you computer off, then turn it back on,
then install a good antivirus, then wait 15 minutes before
connecting."..... and thats the kind of support swift-global gives!!

Seeeee!!!! ... I told you swift-global support is much better! and
sometimes, when you call swift-global support a lot (i.e more than two
times), you'll get to talk to a woman with ATT!! and thats so cool!! I
know y'all like women when they're all fiesty n ferocious :-) i know i
do, heheheheh

….. and that's another good reason why swift-global needs to be more
expensive. That fiesty tech-support lady is obviously paid a lot of
money!! that kind of customer-support service doesn't come cheap!!

….. in fact... I think I'll call support again once I email this :-D

4) Butterfly was more reliable, with fewer downtimes...
.... and that was a recipe for addiction to the internet!!
Swift-global knows this, and that is why they let their downtimes last
days on end. This also helps reduce global-warming, since computers
produce less heat energy when they are not being used to browse ( or
stream at 720p) … just ask any primary school science-teacher to
verify this! and yes.. you guessed it... the down-times give me ample
time to focus on important things....

and butterfly was rude enough to encourage internet-addiction by
maintaining their network!! jeez!!.... after swift-global took over,
one of their “nodes” (a pole with lots of transmitters) was toppled
over by strong winds, and stayed like that for months!!
and the node i'm currently connected to has had perenial power issues
for 1 and a half years.... kudos swift-global :-)!!

... swift-global just knows how to run things.

Earlier today, as I waited for a payment to go through on mabeshte
(for five hours), I had ample time to do something important.... i.e.
draft a solution for world-piece.

And as I have penned it, the solution to world piece will start with
swift-global handling the world's communications :-)... in fact,
whoever named swift-global "swift-*global*" must have known this too!
i bet he came up with the name after he got ample time to consider it
during a down time :-)

later guys.... the fiesty support-lady just picked up :-)
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Brian Munyao Longwe
e-mail: blongwe at gmail.com
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